An ode to optimized pricing page headlines and subheads

THE BREAKDOWN

Tally’s pricing page hero copy.

If you hang around copywriters long enough, you’ll eventually hear about “placeholder copy.”

Placeholder copy appears in a prominent place on your website—above your testimonials on your About page or even in your pricing page hero—and offers a prime opportunity to hook your readers and keep ‘em reading…

Instead, the copy says “What our customers say” or “Pricing.”

So, placeholder copy almost always represents a missed opportunity.

Which is why I appreciate it when a brand seizes the opportunity. So that's what we'll look at today, with Tally’s pricing page hero.

For your consideration, here's Tally's pricing page hero:

What's working on Tally’s pricing page:

1) Clear headline.

Readers immediately understand what they're looking at (a form builder) and why this product differs from competitors (price).

Part of what makes this headline so clear is its simple sentence structure. This also helps to improve memorability.

More resources on the relationship between messaging and memorability:

• How phrasing affects memorability (Cornell University, 2012) 

• How complexity decreases memorability (Journal of Advertising, 2006)

2) Effective problem-solution subheading.

The subhead resonates with prospects by:

• Calling out the specific problem they're likely facing

• Clearly explaining Tally's unique approach (which is obviously advantageous to the user)

Tally’s subhead presents the reader with a mini-narrative that provides a problem (nodding to the context readers face with similar products) and Tally’s solution. In turn, this informational structure helps to boost messaging memorability.

More resources on the relationship between narratives and message memorability:

• How narrative storytelling improved memorability in tourism advertising (Tourism Review, 2023)

• How concepts, contexts, and a reader’s background knowledge impact memorability (Cognitive Science, 2007)

3) Comprehensive feature list.

The supporting list below the headline and subhead quickly communicates all the value Tally offers.

Key features are placed in high-priority places in the list, so they’re more likely to be seen. But even if they’re not, the size of the list gives the impression that Tally provides a generous free plan.

What can be improved on Tally’s pricing page:

Here are a couple of ways Tally could push even harder to nudge prospects to switch from one of the category leaders:

1) Make the subhead reader-focused.

Edit the subhead to focus on "you" (the reader) instead of "we" (the brand):

Current: "We provide..."

Proposed: "You get..." or "Get..."

This shift leverages the reader’s self-reference effect, which helps to make the message more memorable.

More resources on the relationship between the self-reference effect and memorability:

• How cues impact your ability to trigger the self-reference effect (Shenzhen University, 2021)

• How self-referencing improves memorability (Brandeis University, 2011)

2) Emphasize the enemy.

As is, the headline is wonderfully clear. But, I’d also argue it’s largely focused on function, even though there are tools at our disposal to make the headline more emotional.

For example, bring the enemy front and center—shift "Paywalls getting in the way?" into the headline:

Current: "Build beautiful forms for free"

Proposed: "Paywalls getting in the way? Build beautiful forms for free"

This change directly acknowledges the prospect's frustration with the restrictive paywalls used by category leaders. In doing so, we more directly join the conversation that’s likely happening in the prospect’s head.

Alternatively, we can shape a verbatim phrase from a Tally testimonial. Let’s use this testimonial (found on Tally’s testimonial page) as an example:

There’s lots to work with in this testimonial, but the idea that most directly addresses paywalls as the enemy is “Volume based pricing is silly for a form.”

From there, I shaped that Voice of Customer into a problem-focused headline that a right-fit Tally user will likely agree with.

Current: "Build beautiful forms for free"

Proposed: “Think volume-based paywalls are silly? We do too.”

What this rewrite lacks is a direct “Pricing” message match, though that could be easily remedied with an eyebrow sitting over the headline. That eyebrow could be as simple as “Tally’s Pricing.”

Note: Yes, I know I just said shift from “we” to “you” in the subhead—that advice still stands. While this headline example uses "we," it works because the headline leads with an implied "you" question. In doing so, it creates immediate alignment between the prospect and Tally for the right-fit user.

More resources on the relationship between creativity, emotion and message memorability:

• How creativity impacts memorability in advertising (Creativity Research Journal, 2020)

• How metaphorical and emotional ads outperform functional ads (Journal of Advertising, 2022)

THE ACTIONABLE TIP

Find—and fight—your best-fit buyer’s enemy.

To position your product effectively against category leaders:

1. Identify the "enemy" baked into your competitors' products.

2. Take a bold stand against this enemy in your messaging.

If you’re feeling a little hesitant about this, that’s normal. Many companies have different risk-tolerances for calling out their competitors (y’know, lawyers and all).

Here’s the good news:

You don't need to call out competitors by name—let your customers do that in testimonials.

Instead, focus on the pain points your target audience associates with established players, just like Tally does:

The enemy Tally is “fighting” is usage paywalls. This pain point is familiar to anyone who's used the category leader.

By removing restrictions on forms, submissions, and core functionality, they're betting on a strategy the market leaders can't match because it’ll hurt their bottom line. As a result, it just makes sense for Tally to lean into this differentiator and put it front and center in their marketing.

Remember: Sometimes the best offense is a good defense against your competitors' limitations.